JG etc.

I stumbled across this at just the right time.

Dear Typical Manhattan Broker,

Please, call me at your earliest convenience (next week is fine) to tell me that the apartment I’m interested in today is not available. When you have time, I’d be happy to look at several apartments that I: a) cannot afford; b) are not even close to where I want to live; or c) would never wish on my worst enemy.

I would love to pay you 15% of my annual rent for renting me one of these apartments out of sheer desperation. I would never expect you to take my budget into account. I really don’t need to eat or talk on the phone, once I have an apartment.

While we’re out looking at the apartments you want to rent me, please run as fast as possible. I’ll do my best to keep up. Also, if you would like to stay on your cell phone while we’re looking, I promise not to bother you with silly questions about utilities and deposits.

Sincerely,

Another Desperate Manhattan Renter